Next week, Thursday to be exact, is the first day of the Bible Study/Life Group I will be facilitating. Nervous? Yes! Excited? Yes! Coveting Prayers? YES!
We are starting in Acts. Does that strike anyone else as "coincidentally" appropriate? I have to confess, until this morning, it hadn't even dawned on me the timing!! (I don't believe in coincidence if following God's will and path.)
I had been praying, prior to deciding what to do, that the Spirit would reveal to me what type of study I should do and where we should start...I felt a very clear direction to start in Acts and just walk through the Word. Before I was able to share that with the Pastor, he said "Let me tell you what I would like to see..." and proceeded to tell me how he would love it if we just went straight through the books of the Bible
(Confirmation?? I think so!)
I then shared with him that I was feeling led to start in the book of Acts. Prior to today, this made sense to me because:
a) I've attended several studies that started in Acts, but we never finished (anyone who knows me,
knows I like to finish a book - even if I don't like the book, like "Lord of the Flies") b) our church is currently on a Matthew through John challenge, so the following book would be Acts
Doesn't that make sense?!
Today, I feel I received a very valuable realization...
Acts begins with a brief what Jesus did after He rose and before He ascended.
YES- I already knew that!
But what I didn't realize (because I'm horrible with time), is that we would be starting our study the Thursday following Easter Sunday -
what's that?! Do I mean Resurrection Sunday?! Why yes, yes I do!!
And that, my friends, is where my "coincidentally appropriate" comes in! ('scuse my excitement, I get this way when I feel God showing me new stuff, even if it's tiny). This may be something you already thought of- I'm typically a bit late on the uptake.
As I was reading Acts 1 this morning (and having my epiphany), the 40 days stood out to me. Maybe it's all my singing of Arky Arky to Phalen -
you know "The Lo-ord told Noah to build him an Arky Arky...
get.those.animals out of the muddy muddy"
(now it's stuck in your head isn't it?!)
anyways, 40 days has been standing out to me a lot.
God used 40 days with Noah (see above song referenced). Jesus was in the wilderness fasting for 40 days. And in Acts 1, Jesus spent 40 days, after He rose, proving He is alive and spreading the news of the Kingdom of God.(vs 3) 40 seems to be an important number! I'm not a theologian, so currently I don't know the significance, but I am going to be looking into that.
Reading this, I was moved to challenge myself to let Jesus prove Himself to me. Ok, before this sounds like some sort of heresy, let me state for the record that Jesus does not have to prove Himself to me;
I am a full blown, sold out believer in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour!
But I would be kidding myself to say that I see Him in my everyday life....not that He isn't there, it's just I fail to pay attention.
I fail to let Jesus reveal Himself to me in the ways He wants to.
I fail to feel Him in the wind and see Him in the sunsets.
I fail to experience Him in relationships.
I fail to breathe Him in from the scent of a rose.
Not everyday, of course! There are days I'm seeing and feeling and breathing and experiencing Jesus in all that is around and all that I do. But if I were to be honest, I would say it's not enough. And I would say I can have a bad moment afterwards and forget about it. I would say:
"I do believe, Lord, help my unbelief" - Mark 9:24
Because in the end, isn't that what it's about...we fail to believe?! For isn't it that if we had belief even the amount of a mustard seed..........And didn't Jesus have to prove himself to his own apostles because they didn't believe?!
Soooo, back to my challenge. For 40 days, I will be looking for Jesus, and I will be asking Him to "prove" Himself to me. And I realize that much of how/where I see Him right now is in my lil Sweet P, after all, he's a gift from God, but I will be trying to look beyond my son. See past his cute little chubby cheeks to the sunset in the background. Look up at the night sky to be enamored by the stars instead of stare at Sweet P's little person when I'm rocking & nursing him when he wakes at 2am. Engage with the cashier at the grocery store rather than make googley eyes & sounds with my baby. And any other way the Lord chooses to reveal Himself or use me.
*but don't think I won't still be fully engrossed in my son
can't help it. he's got me where he wants me*
I am sad that I have to challenge myself on something like this. I wish I could say this is just second nature, but I would be lying (and let's face it, I have enough things on my list to work on, trying to keep lying off that list - even though I'm pretty good at lying to myself and ignoring what's truly in my ugly wicked heart).
My hope and my prayer is that this will become second nature,
that I will not need a challenge to force me to pay attention to Jesus
and what he's trying to share with me.
I will be starting this 40 days after Resurrection Day, just like Jesus did. I think I might even extend the challenge to the group of women that come to the study.
How about you, will you take this challenge with me?
Is there something else you wish to work on over the next 40 days?
"Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly
entertained angels."
~ Hebrews 13:2
Before I had Phalen, I thoroughly enjoyed meeting friends and getting to know people over coffee or dinner. We would go to fave restaurants and could sit for hours talking, laughing, crying, praying, etc. Now, that's not quite as easy to do. For one, Phalen has a schedule that we learned early on we must adhere to. And for another, it's just not something I can afford now that we are down to one income; which we in NO WAY regret that decision :)
Going for a walk on the Coastal Trail to Snow City Cafe for some Hot Tea
I do like to have people over from time to time, but even that can be somewhat overwhelming. So, I'm going to start a little series called "Come In". I can indulge in some random small talk, albeit one sided, in no particular order or theme- I will share with you what I would probably say should you have the opportunity to stop by. And maybe you can comment or email to share with me what's been going on, and/or should we talk/email/chat you'll have been 'caught up' (provided I keep up with my blog better than I have been).
So please, won't you Come In.
Please ignore any mess, I've been behind on house work since Aug 28th, 2012
(yup, when my lil Sweet P arrived)
I will offer you water or tea. I can make some coffee, if you'd like, it will be from a french press as I put away the brew pot and no longer drink it. I will be gagging down some "mother's milk" tea in hopes to keep my supply for Sweet P. I recently tried my skill at homemade bread, would you like a piece with jam or honey? I prefer raspberry jam, but only have strawberry right now. I will confess my bread making is a way, I found, that I can save us money on our monthly budget. And then I will chuckle to myself remembering a conversation I had with a person who told me they are allergic to the word "budget".
I will share how proud I am of my husband- working on his Masters, working full time, and working at being the best daddy ever. I beam knowing that by his actions, Phalen will see the example of a great man. That by his words, Phalen will hear what a great man says. That by his life, Phalen will know what a Godly man looks like. And I pray that Phalen will be a great and Godly man too.
I will tell you how I taught Phalen to blow through his nose into a tissue by scrunching my nose and breathing heavy so that he would mimic me. He's teething again and caught a cold, so his little noni is running and sore. He's getting a third tooth, he's only 6 1/2 months. I am feeling very sad that he is growing so quickly-
I will share my insight to the fact that I am going to be a stalker mom: I look at his pictures every night (when he goes to bed) from day one on my cell phone and instantly miss him and want him to wake up so I don't have to miss one minute of his life. I want to hug him always. Please know, I do look forward to him growing up and seeing the person he will become and watch how God will use him in the lives of others- I just repeatedly tell him (in a quasi creepy way) "I will be there with you"- then my husband reigns me back and says "no, we will let him go where he needs to." Sigh, do all moms experience this, or am I alone here?
Phalen reading his favorite book "Little Blue Truck"
This morning, he clapped his hands for the first time, but the poor little guy started feeling bad again around 9:30am and stopped playing with me.
I will tell you that starting the first week of April, I will be leading a bible study at my church and then I will share that I am terrified!! I do not know the first thing about this, but I have felt God calling me to this for some time. Please pray for me. Pray for peace, comfort and trust in the Lord. I know He has a plan, and He knows what He is doing- I am just a vessel and pray for His will and my willingness.
I will ask if you have signed up for Bunco Night that the TEARS Foundation is hosting on Saturday night. If you haven't, I might ask what you are doing instead. I might go silent for a bit, I am saddened that we need a foundation such as this, sad every time I have to share my story, and sad that people shy away from this. I will then tell you that my stroller strides group decided to make the Bunco Night their "mom's night out" get together, and how happy and humbled I am by that. I will also invite you to sign up for the first annual Color Run in Alaska under team TEARS Alaska, and I would ask if you would email the Color Run and nominate TEARS Alaska Chapter to be the recipient of the charitable donation.
Since we're on the topic of runs, I would ask if you'll do the March of Dimes - Walk for Babies with me for Team William Ryan. This year, William's little brother will be doing it with me. Then I will go quiet for a minute as I ponder what Phalen will think in life growing up knowing he has an older brother he'll meet in Heaven. How will I explain it and how long until he understands? Will Phalen pick up 'doing' in memory of William when he is older, or will it be something that he only does with me?
Getting ready for his first food! (Avocado)
I will tell you that Phalen has started eating real food! Only at dinner time; I make it for him. His favorite, so far, is Acorn Squash. He really doesn't like Green Beans. Avocado was good. I will tell you that we had a little dinner party just for his first eat- Is that a little overboard? Well, it will calm you to know it was just his MeMe and PaPa. :) I would confess that we did plan it for almost two weeks and had a very nice meal- we even broke out the cloth napkins! And then I would laugh, both at the truth and my realized absurdity that I may be one of those moms that does a little too much. I will probably then go quiet, thinking "it's ok if I do a little too much, there's never going to be a time that I will look back wishing I hadn't made a big deal out of little milestones" and I will contentedly smile.
I will share that this morning, as I was rocking Phalen awake in his room, I saw dirt along my fence line- the snow is melting! I share that I wish I had planted some tulips or daffodils last fall so that I could watch them grow and bud in that dirt along the fence line. I will tell you that I am ready for spring and the growing season. I want to smell dirt and see greens and yellows and oranges and pinks and all other colors that the season will bring.
I will confess that I would like prayer for sleep and my anxiousness. I don't sleep well even if Sweet P does because I am anxious wondering why he hasn't woken yet. I will ask what I can pray over you for....... we may even pray for each other then.
Before you go, I will share a sweet little song that speaks to this transition of seasons
Thank you for stopping by. I am grateful for the conversation.
The idea for this post came from the beautiful Casey, of the The Weigands
I remember growing up, we'd play a game called "I claim". We would see something we wanted and we'd say "I claim that Lamborghini" and so that became "Mine" when I grew up and none of my siblings could claim the same Lamborghini as me...they had to find a different one to claim if they wanted it.
Do you remember this?! Oh it was so cool back then
When mom would catch us, we'd get in t-r-o-u-b-l-e!
Mom didn't really like us having such wants.
I think about this quite frequently. America is 'fat' on things! We have and we have. So often the phrase "First World Problem" soars through my mind. So much so, I feel I can just acronym it now
That's another F.W.P. if you know what I mean...
(If it wasn't for that "W", I'm sure it would catch on pretty quickly.)
I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful son, a home, food, a loving family, health insurance, a vehicle... a kitchenaid... I mean what more could I want?!
my family to live closer to us, or better - us to move closer to them
remodel and redecorate my home (starting with new interior paint)
to go on an amazing vacation to another continent
to adopt a little girl from Guatemala (I don't know why-just want to)
a dehydrator, bigger crock-pot, waffle iron, etc
a great big back yard with LOTS of sun for a garden and beautiful raised beds
an insulated and electric greenhouse for yummy veggies all winter
to be able to eat eggs again (coming as soon as Sweet P is done nursing)
to have an amazing talent that I could market
and sooo many more things!!
See.....F.W.P.!
And most of these are solvable with enough money...but is there every really "enough" money...and isn't that just another desire?!
This topic of desires/wants has come up quite a bit in my world. Sometimes it's because my friends and I are actually hashing out these questions and confessing our hearts sins and hurts... Other times it's because I'm confused why wanted objects have become such an intense need in a friend's life, or my life.
So, what's the answer?
Well, I don't have 'the' answer, I'm sure! But I know what scripture says - aside from the "Thou Shalt Not Covet" that is.
So here's my hash out:
God created us to want and to desire so that we would desire Him and a life with Him. We will always desire something more, until we are in perfect communion with Him:
"...He has put eternity in their hearts..." - Ecclesiastes 3:11b
"Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart". - Psalm 37:4
"...who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." - Psalm 103:5
"And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart." - Jeremiah 29:13
Reading these, I see a generous Father, who desires to give to us.
And He knows we have desires - HE GAVE US the desire to desire!
But our heart motive plays the biggest role here. Are we seeking God's will and His desires for our life? When we seek Him, and His will, our desires will be what He wants for us.
I remember the years after William, I wanted a baby so badly. I was so angry that I didn't get to bring William home with me. I didn't know how to tell people about him. When people would ask if we were going to start trying to have a family, I wanted to yell at them
"WE ARE A FAMILY"
And then I wanted to yell at them the truth of our family. I would get upset seeing unwed mothers having babies. I would get upset seeing pregnant women smoke, or 'just have a sip' of wine or beer. I was happy for my friends that I felt "deserved" a baby when they told me they were pregnant, but if I felt they didn't deserve it, I was jealous and angry. (Reality check- Who am I to judge who deserves this and who doesn't?!)
In my desires to have a baby, I became very sinful! I didn't speak it aloud, but OH BOY! was it ever in my heart. It was U-G-L-Y! I was ugly!
How could I do a "good work" for my Savior when my heart's focus was not on the desires He had for me. My heart's focus was definitely on what I wanted for me... (Like I know what's best for me)
"The righteousness of the upright delivers them, but the unfaithful are trapped by evil desires" - Proverbs 11:6
"...but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful." - Mark 4:9
Thankfully, His perfect Love is so much bigger than my selfish desires. God understands me! He knows my emotions, my hurts, my angers, my bitterness. He understands me because HE CREATED ME! And He created me with emotions...but He also created me to desire Him. To seek Him. To look to Him when I am hurt and angry and bitter. And regardless of what a brat I am being, He can still and does still use me.
He lovingly worked me through my emotions and desires. And I found myself really truly desiring what He wanted for me! How do I know this? Well, because I wasn't angry and bitter when I would see unwed pregnant women, instead I wanted to help them...they are going to have a hard road and need help. I wasn't angry and bitter when I saw pregnant women smoke, I was sad and would pray for them and that child(ren). I began to see that nobody 'deserves' anything we are given, but that
God blesses all of us -
and His blessings don't look the same for everyone,
but they are just as amazing
because it's what God knows is perfect for you!
I would battle keeping this desire in check though. Over the years, I definitely had to examine my heart on this many times... And I remember the day I really truly gave this over. It was so freeing! And a few months later, I found out I was going to have my little Sweet P.
My desire was one God had for me, I just had years of my heart putting my desire above all else and that desire became my idol.
So, if God created me to have desires, how can they be wrong?
He created us to desire a life with Him and eternity with Him. We will be "wanting" until we are home with Him - we are strangers in this world and will be lacking in comfort until we are HOME.
In our sinful human nature, we fill those wants and desires with THINGS (house, car, spouse, children, degrees, top of the corporate ladder, etc) and we always think our life will be complete "once" we obtain ____________ (fill in the blank)
NOT SO!
But don't forget-
The One who made the stars does not want you to be satisfied with what you can obtain on earth.
He wants you to desire a life with Him - to be satisfied with in a joy given by Him
God does give to us desires in this world, but it is our heart's motive that will gauge if our desire is Godly or worldly. And He does bless us with things in this world.
And what HE gives is Good!
What desires do you feel God has placed on your heart lately? I would love to hear what Good Things and Opportunities God is blessing you with.
Getting ready for church tonight, I greatly lacked a desire to go. I know this sounds terrible, but I REALLY wanted to skip and have a relaxing Christmas Eve dinner at my in-law's then head home for a quiet night and to bed on time.
I am constantly praying that God will change my attitude real quick when I have negative thoughts. Well, He certainly did that tonight! Shortly after feeling a desire to skip, the thought occurred me
This isn't just another church service
This is a celebration of Jesus' Birth
This is Jesus' Birthday Celebration!
Jesus is my King!
Do you know what that means?!
I was invited to attend the Birthday of a KING!
How could I not want to go?! How could I not want to get dressed up?! After all, I would be attending a King's birthday party!!!
So quickly my attitude did change; I was actually excited to go. And my selfish ideas were no longer what I had in mind; I couldn't wait to go to church! I even wanted to bake a cake and write "Happy Birthday Jesus" on it (darn, I wish I'd had more time - perhaps a new tradition to start next year!)
Needless to say, I made sure we left with plenty of time (accounting for possible traffic delays and/or snowfall); we arrived 45 minutes early, so we went for coffee/tea while we waited :) HA- How is that for an attitude adjustment?!
I am thankful for the Spirit's prick in my perspectives. I pray that I will always be open to a change of perspective when I fail to see the magnitude of Who I turn to everyday, Who I serve, Who I seek, Who I long to spend time with: THE KING - Jesus Christ, my Savior.
Here is your invitation to The King's birthday party!
Isn't it funny how you can listen to the same song over and over and over again and then BLAM, a new meaning has been attached? Well, that happened for me today.
I drove to a neighboring town with my dear friend, Traci, and we were listening to one of our fave songs..........on repeat!! (This is something we do, and just further confirmation we were designed to be friends) Anyway, in the last two lines of the first verse are:
"There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender"
I grew up in a town that is known for white water rafting. The river running through consists of class III & IV rapids. With an upbringing in a town such as that, one can't get through without going rafting a time a two (or too many times to count). One of the things I remember learning is that if I got dumped out in a rapid (wave), just let the rapid take me through the motion, don't fight it. Once out of the rapid, swim to the shore or an Eddy.
Listening to this song today, those two lines stuck out and brought me back to the memory of rafting. In order to get to the calmer waters so you can swim to the shore, you have to get through the wave. The best way to get through it, is to surrender and it will bring you out - but once out, swim to shore and rest, otherwise you risk getting pulled away by the current and having a repeat situation.
Rocks in the way are often what make the rapids; which paints another fabulous image. The water rushes all around and over the rock, but the foundation of the rock is solid and does not move. The rock is not without change though. The water rushing around it is smoothing and changing the shape of this rock, which over time, could change the way the river flows in that area.
We talked about this in depth. It's such a beautiful picture of God coming over us and changing us. When He is molding us, it can be scary, it can be confusing, it can even be painful.
"Consider it pure joy, my [sisters], whenever you face trials of many kinds,
because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature
and complete, not lacking in anything"
~ James 1:2-4 (NIV)
James tells us "whenever you face trials", not "if". We will face trials. In our trials, we can surrender to Jesus to take us through the wave and we can stand firm on our foundation. Or we can fight the wave, which will also tire us from being able to swim to shore and risk forcing us down with the current with the possibility of repeating the situation.
When we surrender ourselves to Jesus, we may not understand what's happening, but there is a peace. We may not see what is happening, but He will guide us. It may feel and seem as though our life is in chaos and we don't know when it will end, but He is working something so beautiful in us, that if we fight against it, we will miss the joy and the peace and the blessings that come only from surrendering to Him and His will.
The chorus of the song explains it so perfectly:
"Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly"
This song has ministered to me so often over the years. I hope you find comfort in the Truth that is so beautifully shared.
Dove Dark Chocolates, mmm, I love them. I love the little Dove Promises that come in the individually wrapped pieces. Recently I unwrapped one with a thought that I have had many times in my life.
Now my thought hasn't been so much about covering the ENTIRE canvas, but more-so, What is on my canvas? I have told friends in the past, who have been struggling with pain or trials in their lives
"When you are standing with God in Glory, and He pulls back the curtain to reveal your Painting of Life, imagine the masterpiece it will be. Around this very time in your life, you will see the beauty that came of it and God will say 'Well done, my faithful Daughter.'"
So, I often think, what will my life painting look like?
Will it be dark where I "put out the Spirit's fire" 1Thessalonians 5:19?
Will there be sunshine seeping through the shadowed areas because the Son was shining so bright in mine? ("But if we walk in thelight, as he is in thelight, we have fellowship with one another..."
-1 John 1:7a)
Will there be orphans and widows smiling somewhere in my painting? ("...look after orphans andwidowsin their distress..." - James 1:27b)
Will I be clothed in the shimmering adornments of "...compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience" Colossians 3:12?
Will there be images of the hungry who are eating?
Will my household and family show a reflection of the Proverbs 31 wife?
Will there be long swipes of ashes and sackcloth for those times I chose to continue in my sin and not trust or turn to God?
Will my feet be beautiful? ("How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the gospel of peace, Who bring glad tidings of good things!" -Romans 10:15)
Will it be thick with layers covering all that has been taken as far as the East is from the West?
"As far as the East is from the West, so far as He has removed our transgressions from us"
-Psalm 103:12
Will there be women and/or children laughing and singing in areas where my trials and pains somehow helped them?
Will I be wearing a crown and told "Well done my faithful Daughter" when My Father pulls back the curtain to reveal my Life's Painting?
So, these are just a few of the things I wonder about my Life's Painting. I really have to examine myself and ask
"Am I living for Christ?"
Because certainly, my Life's Painting will reflect that....even today, and even tomorrow.....I don't need to wait for it to be revealed.
And to share someone else's perspective, my sweet Courageous friend, Traci, wrote an A-Mazing series on her blog, Studio Dialogue. Yes, it was written a while ago, but Traci and I only came to know one another in August - BUT our connection was one that took place immediately - A friendship that could only have been given from God! (She will definitely be in my Painting).
