Our "Little" Blessing - part Two

Mother's Day 2012

24.5 wks 

I have struggled for most of my life with allergies to many medicines, chemicals, preservatives, etc, as well as a few different foods.  I discover new allergies every year, YAY!!

About a year after having William, I got very sick.  After going to a general practitioner, I was referred to an internal specialist.  When the specialist tried to diagnose me with first Crohn's Disease,  then Ulcerus Colitus, I realized I needed to go to a doctor who thinks outside of the box.  My new doctor discovered I have a type of anemia where my red blood cells attack Vitamin B12.  I also have a sensitivity to Vitamin C, Iron and Calcium.

When I get my nutrient levels checked, it seems I am always deficient in something.  Between my allergies and deficiencies, it seems I'm always struggling to just be "healthy" so-to-speak.

December 30th, 2011, I came home with a new wine to try for our New Years Eve celebration.   When I got home, I realized I was five days late for my monthly cycle.  Since I wasn't having any weird symptoms, I just assumed my cycle was shifting since I work with so many women.

I let my husband know I was late and here is how the subsequent conversation went:

Hubs:   Is this normal?
Me:   Um, could be
Hubs:   How often are you typically late?
Me:   hmm, maybe once or twice a year
Hubs:   Are you ever 5 days late?
Me:   Uhm, I don't think so
Hubs:   Do you think you should take a pregnancy test?
Me:   Bahaha, uh, NO
Hubs:   Why not?
Me:    Why would I?
Hubs:    I think you should take a test
Me:    Naw, I don't think it's necessary, I'm sure I'll be back to normal soon
Hubs:    Ok, here's the deal, take the test, have a glass of wine....don't take the test, no wine.
Me:    Serious?!  <giggling> We know it's gonna be negative....
Hubs:    Well, then you can have a glass of wine.
Me:    FINE!  <laughing>  I'll take a test and waste money.

About 10 minutes later....... me running downstairs to 'Justin-ville' (man cave) screaming "We're gonna have a BA-BEEE, We're gonna have a BA-BEEE" and waving my lil stick in the air.

The Hubs, who just heard frantic screaming came out of 'Justin-ville' and said "what?! what?! calm down, calm down".  Realizing what I was screaming and waving around he then said:

"Did you pee on that thing and now you're waving it in the air possibly flinging that pee around?!"

So, after laughing hysterically at his comment, then staring at the stick FOR-EVER, we realized:

We're gonna have a baby!!

So, let's back up a few months....In August, I felt that I had a little 'prompting' to stop taking all my supplements.  After a few weeks of feeling this prompt, I did.  I quit taking all my supplements.  I did not consult a doctor.  I did not share this with anyone, I just decided to follow what I believed God was saying.  

A few weeks later, I ended up at a Chiropractic office (for the first time ever) speaking with Dr. Jessica!  I was not happy about this, but I literally couldn't move, my back was completely out.  After spending a few months getting my body back on track, and finding out my hips and pelvis have been completely off track (due to a shortened right leg) causing so many problems in my spine and overall health, I was feeling great!  I found out my Chiropractor's specialty is infertility, pregnancies women and children...Huh?!  So, in December, I made an appt with her, to begin in January, processes to determine if I'm possibly unable to get pregnant.

Also in December (19th to be exact), I had my annual exam with my ob-gyn.  I asked him to run a full panel of nutrient and hormone levels.  I really wanted to know how deficient I have become since August without supplements (even though I was feeling great!).  

On the 26th, my results came back.....I was perfect!!  For the first time in my life, I wasn't deficient in ANYTHING!  ALL my levels were exactly where they should be!  Even my glucose levels!  (which I have been hypoglycemic my whole life and was recently labeled as pre-diabetic - grandparents had Type I).  Praise God - He is my Healer!

So, after the "Wine Conversation" with my husband a week later, I was able to go to my Chiropractic appt in January and let her know our plans/appt reasons would be changing because

I have been given a Blessing!!

So, there's the short of our story of "Our 'Little' Blessing"!   It has been quite a journey since that first moment finding out.  I thought I would be a nervous, terrified wreck my entire pregnancy, but I'm not.  God's mercies are new everyday and He feels me with such strength and peace in Him!  He has been my Sustainer in health, and in mind, and in heart.  

 "Walking for William Ryan"

25.5 weeks at the March of Dimes

May 17th, 2012

I praise God daily for the medical professionals that He has given the want, the will, the minds and the knowledge to help us healthily carry babies.  I consider them more blessings to count.   Despite any difficulties I may have or have had, God has helped me keep perspective in the gift I've been given!  

Praising Him in every moment;  through the good, the bad, or the incredible, my Hope is in Jesus Christ!

What little (or HUGE) blessings have you been given lately?

Our "Little" Blessing - part One

I wanted to take some time to share the magnitude of our current "little" blessing.  Little being such a relative word, as this gift is a HUGE blessing.  Day by day.

As I share, please keep in mind, this is what I personally battled.  My husband, I'm sure has had his own battles, but this is to share mine. (since it's quite a long story, I will share thus far in two parts - today is part one)

For years, I prayed and lamented over having a child.  Some months, the heartache would be great as I would just "know" I was pregnant, but the test would say negative, and sure enough, life would go on, sans baby.   I would have many ask us when we were going to "try" or when we were going to start a family.

This question irks me!!

WE ARE A FAMILY.  

Our family started when we said "I Do".

I would try to be gracious and merciful in my replies (just as Jesus is with me) and understand that others don't always know of our past.  Not all who ask us know that we have a son, William Ryan, who was born sleeping in 2005.  Not all who want us to experience the joy of parenthood, know the pain and heartache of losing a child.  Sometimes, I would let them know that we are a family and we have a son who has gone on before. Sometimes I wouldn't share anything about my son. But ALWAYS I would let them know that 

if a child is God's plan for our little family, then He will make it happen in His time. 

There were times people felt we just didn't want children, since we hadn't had any yet.  Which invokes comments of 'selfish' or 'can't deal with the change'.  Strange that people would think such things if we have never spoken such things.  

I often had people ask me if we'd tried fertility treatments, or seen a fertility specialist to talk about options.  I would try not to be offended as I felt and thought "there is nothing wrong with me".  I would pray that I would hold fast to the Truth that I know.  

I started to have doubts, that maybe I do need to see a fertility doctor.  That maybe that is what God is trying to tell me.  And after agonizing months of living with my thoughts, I talked to my husband about it.  Well, shortly after, 

I had an early term miscarriage.  I did not even know I was pregnant!!!  

But I saw it as a blessing.

I felt God telling me

"It's not you, daughter, just trust Me."

I thought that if I ever did become pregnant, and I knew about it, I would be scared and anxious the entire pregnancy.  I knew, in the back of my mind, that I would be a Nervous Nelly, biting my nails, panicking over every weird feeling, not wanting to share the blessing; which would, in the end, rob us of all joy.

In November 2011, I felt myself really release my desires of a child to God.   I remember sitting with my cup of coffee, meditating on His goodness and feeling an overwhelming peace as I spoke aloud:

"You are enough, Jesus."

And, for the first time since becoming a Christian, I truly believed that!